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Funny Quotes
List here funny quotes!
For example:
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Some of the best one liners come from "head movies". Those movies are wacky, off-the-wall, pointless - the perfect setup for some of the corniest lines in film. Me and a buddy of mine, usually around once a year, watch Crimewave (Bruce Campbell!) over again and still die laughing.
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You should posts quotes in quote form((quote)(/quote)).
Anyway...
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The [quote] tag is for quoting other posts on the message board to identify where your reply is directed, hence the reason it attaches "wrote:" to the name of the person who is being quoted. I can guarantee you that Simpsons characters didn't write those things.
It's easier, cleaner and generally accepted to just use quotation marks ("") for quotes. That also spares us clutter and confusion since your signature also blends right in with there rest of the [quote] boxes. Example: "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry |
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Concurring with that quote:
"Here's alcohol, the cause of - and solution of - all of mankind's problems!" - Homer Simpson and maybe... "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?" - Homer Simpson "But you were drunk!!" - Marge Simpson, responding to Homer And maybe the Simpsons characters didn't write those stuff, but someone sure did. Do you want me to write "John Swartzwelder wrote"?(if you don't know, he writes Simpsons episodes) |
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It just so happens my friend sent me a long list of programming-related quotations today. Here are several of the somewhat humorous ones:
"I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it." -Anonymous "Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work. Practice is when something works, but you don't know why. Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don't know why." -Anonymous "Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement." -Fred Brooks "Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning." -Rich Cook "One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." -Robert Firth "There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies." -C.A.R. Hoare "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law." -Hofstadter's Law "Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration." -Stan Kelly-Bootle "Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -Brian W. Kernighan "But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses." -Bruce Leverett "For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." -H. L. Mencken "Any fool can use a computer. Many do." -Ted Nelson "There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works." -Alan J. Perlis "When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop." -Alan J. Perlis There are plenty more, but I'll stop now. |
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I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done!
"Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut? Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit? Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit!" "Homer: Oh, now you're angry at me because I'm doing stupid things! Marge: Yes! Homer: Then I'll just stop doing stupid things! Marge: That's very good![Homer turns around and his car door]" I said the sentence! Give me a lollipop! |
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I'm in Air Force ROTC, and this one comes from one of the cadets at the university that he picked up at field training last summer.
Keep in mind that there are only like three places you can go to field training: Maxwell AFB in Alabama, Ellsworth AFB in South Dakota, and I forget the other one. Anyway, here's the quote. "Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do when you were young?," you can say I conquered the great Ellsworth I, you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled crap at Maxwell." - Col McCarthy |
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I'm not going to take the time to quote this whole thing: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Na8IKyrGy9g |
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I don't know who was the voice that said this, and I don't remember the exact words:
"In the soccer game, a team fight began, and it continued for twenty years. The fight became so violent that the statue of Virgin Mary got life and kicked the Holy crap out of everyone"(it's a lot more funny said than wrote) - (episode)Marge Gamer, The Simpsons 18th Season And this one is funny: "In the beginning, Pluto was close to Earth. Until Pluto blocked Chuck Norris' sunlight." http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com That site is very funny. Check it out! |
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"I know I shouldn't have helped that nasty old devil! He didn't change at all!"
"I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone." Lisa & Homer Simpson, The Old Man and The Lisa Now excuse me, I have a newly-bought The Simpsons 8th season to watch. AMG, look at the dates before complaining. |
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