Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (the novel)

Hey guys, here's chapter 1, please read and review!

review!

I'm getting really confused here. Do you actually want people to do this, or not?

[Emperor Ing]

Well, all of the literary critics I know of are giving this two arm cannons way, WAY up... the Mutated Emperor Ing's butthole.

I'm getting really confused here. Do you actually want people to do this, or not?

Yeah, of course I do! And you didn't say how you actually liked this chapter, Sylux. (and maybe you should change your avatar to this:)

I'm getting really confused here. Do you actually want people to do this, or not?

Yeah, of course I do! And you didn't say how you actually liked this chapter, Sylux. (and maybe you should change your avatar to this:)

The chapter is terrible. Much worse than the one before it, maybe almost as bad as the end of Echoes. I'd give you advice on how to improve it, but as you've already demonstrated it doesn't matter what your reviewers think.

Thanks for the avatar.

Here it is folks, Chapter 2. Review and enjoy!

Chapter 2

Samus Aran looked out on the Cliffside Airdock.
It was an amazing sight. Huge statues of fearsome beasts carrying big staff weapons carved out of the rock. And behind her, huge spheres hung by massive chains in the sky, whose purpose was unclear. Clearly, she was looking at the ruins of a once-mighty civilization.
As Samus went thru the large stone door ahead of her, AU 242 commed in. “Samus, your first priority is to disable the leviathan’s protective shield. You will be unable to reach the seed with it active. However, you are near the wreckage of a downed Federation vessel, the GFS Theseus. If you can use the satellite uplink to scan the area, we may be able to access information concerning the seed.”
Samus headed to the Griffin class frigate. As she unlocked a large door with a green and orange lock, two strange lizard creatures jumped in front of her. They appeared to be sentient beings, as they carried boomerangs and energy whips of some kind, yet they attacked her immediately without speaking, as though they were vicious animals.
Samus thought nothing of it and killed them with missiles. Near her target, there was a small room with an energy tank. In that room was a painting that shimmered with a fire effect, similar to how the Chozo Lore entries shimmered with a water effect.
Ripping the grate off the painting, she scanned it.

Look now to the past, to the time of peace on Bryyo. See the age of gold, when our world was a paradise unrivaled. Hear the songs of joy fill the streets of the royal city as the people honor the coming of Bryyus the First, the Liberator. Behold the launch of our first ship to the stars on that day and witness the rise of science, of a new order. See this, and see the beginning of our downfall.

The GFS Theseus was not badly damaged. The glass had been shattered, but the machinery was relatively intact. Samus restored the satellite uplink and got a complete map of the three main areas of Bryyo: Cliffside, (the one she was in) Fiery, and the Thorn Jungle.
“Samus, the satellite uplink has revealed two distinct energy signatures,” said AU 242. “They must be supplying power to the seed shield. If these targets are eliminated, the shield will be removed. We are uploading the location of each energy signature and nearby landing sites.”
Samus decided to go to Fiery first, though she was unnerved at how AUs always referred to themselves in a plural sense.
As she returned to her ship, she found another lore entry.

The ships of Bryyo sped to the stars in all directions, bearing the banner of peace. Soon we found stellar brethren in the Chozo, the Luminoth, and the Protoss. Starborne knowledge came to Bryyo, and we gladly sent our wisdom to our new friends in return. The hearts of the people were filled with pride, and they honored the Lords of Science for all the wonders we provided, the old ways faded. The cries of joy from those who honored science covered the angry shouts of those who mourned the old ways, the primal traditions.

Samus flew to Fiery, a place where the sky was red and fuel gel lay in puddles and lakes or flowed fast and furious in waterfalls. Going into a large room, Samus looked up.
“Rundas!” she cried in astonishment. It’s me, Samus! Where have you been?!”
Rundas stared at her for a moment, then left without saying a word, fading from view on the high ledge. “Huh, that’s funny,” said Samus. “I wonder why he didn’t answer?”
Pushing Rundas out of her mind, Samus raised the central floor to get up to the top of the room, scanning another entry on the way.

In time, the wonders of science were not enough for those who still held the Primal Traditions in their hearts. The warnings of the Chozo: to seek balance between old and new ways (religion and science/technology) were not heeded by the Lords of Science, myself included. We forged on, ignorant of the rage in the hearts of the Primals. The time came when Sfimas, the first Lord of Science, denounced the Primals and their traditions at the center of the royal city. It was as flame to a dry forest. The age of science ended, and the age of schism was born.

As Samus entered an area filled with Phazon, she noticed several large vines in her way. Going into Hypermode, she destroyed them, but just as she did so, something strange happened.
Her visor fuzzed out and white tendrils protruded from her suit. A message flashed on her visor: PHAZON OVERLOAD DETECTED! FIRE RAPIDLY TO EXPEL PHAZON!
Samus fired until she came out of Hypermode. 242 commed in.
“Samus, we just received very abnormal readings from your life support systems. Are you ok?” “I’m fine,” she said. “I was using Hypermode when a message said there was some sort of a Phazon overload or something.”
“As a precaution,” said 242, “we are downloading the diagnostics from your suit to see what happened. We will contact you again if we have any more information.”
“Thanks,” said Samus. The AU reminded her of how Adam used to remain in contact with her throughout the many missions she had with him.
Samus got a Missile Expansion and went into the Temple of Bryyo. A huge Pirate ship was there, and several ATCs brought in tons of troops. Samus went into Hypermode and obliterated the Pirates. Several more came, but before she could shoot them, a huge block of ice came up from the ground, and several sheets of ice froze and killed them. In the center of the temple stood Rundas.
Samus ran over to him. “Rundas! Thank goodness! How are you doing?! AU 242 said she lost contact with you and the others! I was worried sick about you!”
Rundas stared at her for a moment, then froze her in a block of ice.
Samus broke out, bewildered and puzzled. Rundas rose up on a large pillar of ice. Samus scanned Rundas. To her horror, she found that Rundas had been corrupted by Phazon. She would have no choice but to kill him.

Rundas flew around the room on a sheet of ice. Landing, he tried to freeze her. Samus dodged and lashed out with the Grapple Beam and tore off his armor. As Rundas staggered backward, she entered Hypermode and pelted him with the Phazon Beam, knocking to the ground. Rundas tried to generate ice, but in his confusion he did so underneath him. As Samus watched in sorrow, the ice spike shot up, impaling Rundas through the head. After a few seconds it shattered, and Samus saw a strange black cloudy shadow of Dark Samus appear and fly out of sight.
Samus looked and saw an upgrade where Rundas had been. It was the Ice Missile. Now her missiles could freeze enemies and fuel gel.

Finally, Samus reached the source of the energy signature. It was a huge generator. Samus ordered her ship to destroy it, but the laser cannons it was armed with were unable to penetrate the generator’s Maldium armor. Samus cursed herself for not having installed the missile launcher on her gunship before her the mission.
“Clearly, this is the source of the energy signature we detected,” said AU 242. “This generator is supplying power to the seed shield. You must find something capable of penetrating the generator’s heavy armor.”
Samus left Fiery and set course for Cliffside. Perhaps she would find something useful there. On the way, she found more lore entries that told the remainder of the story of Bryyo.

In the beginning, the conflicts were small, out of sight for most on Bryyo. But they grew, slowly but as steady as the coming of the sun. Diplomacy gave way to brutality, , and war came to our world. The Lords of Science turned their minds from exploration to destruction, and unleashed nukes and other WMDs upon their Primal enemies. In retaliation, the Primals turned to the darkest of ancient powers, cursing us, the Science Lords, and all who served our cause. Friends from the stars tried desperately to end the conflict, but in vain. The people of war would not be denied.

The next entry was terrible to read.

Look now to the time of battle, tribe against tribe. See fertile land swept clean of all living things by arcane nightmares or the massive nuclear explosions. See the giant stone Mogenar class war golems do battle, destroying the land with their titanic blows. And hear always the undying scream of a planet racked by darkest war. The battles waged endlessly, and the resources needed to sustain our war machines were great. Bryyo too was a casualty of the war: the air was filled with the smoke of battle and the soil soaked with the toxins of pollution, Calamity after calamity visited Bryyo until a world once known for wonders became a scarred husk under the stars. Only a small region remained habitable and to it the survivors went, taking the war with them.

The next entry was no happier.

We, the Lords of Science, mishandled the use of our knowledge. The devastation of the war robbed us of the rare resources necessary to fuel our war engines. Without our machines we were unable to stand up to Primal armies, and they overran the enclaves of many Science Lords. What few remained fled into the dark places, polluted wastelands even the bravest of Primal warriors would not dare enter. Whatever joy there may have been amongst the victorious was quickly stamped out by the grim reality surrounding them. Bryyo, their cradle, their sacred home… was on the verge of death.

The next entry said:

As the followers of the primal traditions celebrated their victory, the few remaining Science Lords gathered in a hidden sanctuary. It was there that our foolishness became obvious, and we regretted ignoring the Chozo’s warnings. We realized the folly of following the ways of science with blind faith, and the peril of all Bryyo. The contamination left from the battles was spreading, and would soon scour the remaining fertile lands, leaving naught but ash. If left unaided, Bryyo would lose what few safe lands and water remained. Once more, our minds turned to a grand task: planetary salvation. As our enemies searched for us, we created our final machines and launched them into the heavens.

The next one said:

The great machines worked flawlessly. They absorbed the toxins and pollution in the air and soil, preserving the remaining fertile land of Bryyo. Yet the planet’s climate was forever changed, leaving one side streaky scorched by the sun, the other forever in the icy grasp of darkness.
The launch of the machines revealed the hidden enclave of the Science Lords to their enemies. The bright lights in the skies caused by the decontamination equipment stirred old hatred in the hearts of the Primals. Fearing a new attack, the Primals sent their warriors forth to hunt their hated foes. We were now marked for death.

Another one said:

The Primals crafted new magics to protect their warriors and sent them into the burning wastelands to hunt the Lords of Science hiding there. Though we tried to avoid conflict, all the Science Lords were found and killed by Primal war bands.
I was but the sole survivor, the last remaining Lord of Science. In order to protect myself, I adopted the wisdom once shared by the Chozo. I merged the ways of the old (religion/magic) with the ways of the new (science/technology). I built mighty Mogenar class war golems out of stone, there to silently protect me from all enemies.

The next entry was equally grim.

Forgotten, in exile, a creature of myth, I, the last Lord of Science, worked tirelessly to protect myself and this world. I crafted magics and machines to bring life back to the wastelands. I found a new source of energy and called it fuel gel. I vowed to atone for the devastation inflicted upon Bryyo, caused by both science and war.
Yet while I toiled, the Primals slipped slowly into barbarism. With no Science Lords to hunt, they turned upon each other, tribe against tribe. Magic was lost to them, and they became as savage as the predator beasts of the wild.

“So much death,” Samus murmured. “What can men do against such reckless hate?”

As time slowly passed, I grew old; even the combined power of magic and science could not cheat death forever. In order to preserve Bryyo, I would need a successor. Finding one was a daunting task, for most of the folk saw me as a monster. Time passed quickly as I searched, and my efforts appeared to be in vain. Seemingly by chance, I found a young Primal wandering the wastelands and rescued her. But this was no chance encounter. She was a prophetess, tirelessly searching for the last Lord of Science to speak to about her visions. In her dreams she saws a star borne death come to Bryyo, and with her vision came a plea to save her world. Based on her information, I began work on improving the existing decontamination equipment to help prepare a defense for Bryyo against the eventual catastrophe.

The final entry said:

Sadly, disaster came to us before we could finish our work. An accident caused our supply of fuel gel to explode, sending fire to the sky and exposing our position. It was not long before a Primal war band saw the great fire and rushed to attack. Without a way to power my great Mogenars, I had no way to defend myself from their assault.
Fleeing would only drive them to pursue us to no end, and they would show no mercy to either of us once caught. I had no other choice but to stand my ground while the prophetess fled to safety. With her, I sent my records of the past, it hopes they would both find sanctuary.
You now read my last words, etched in stone and placed by the prophetess. We speak to you from beyond the grave to plead with you… save our world from the star borne plague. Lift the veil of hate from the eyes of our people. May our remaining relics serve you well in this struggle.

Through her tears, Samus vowed to do just that as her ship landed at the Cliffside Airdock.

[metruler1990]

umm... what about the part where samus first gets the PED?
and im sure everyone else will say this too, but back to logbook entries?
and way back in chaper 1, wouldnt Rundas be too prideful to use "thanks" when samus offered him help?
still good, though

Umm, hello, I put that in in chapter 1! That was practically the whole chapter!

[metruler1990]

ok, reread your comment, and saw the lore only thing... but still, 0 logbook quotes in Chapter 1

[Lazarius]

Why on earth is the Lore so important to you that every single one must be documented?

Also you forgot the grapple beam.

Fight scenes should not just be 'and then she killed them'

No, I remembered the GB. However, I skipped the Grapple Swing, making the getting of the Grapple Lasso the getting of the entire beam. The stacking applied to the GB is fine, but splitting it in half with the GL and the GS was taking it too far, so I scrapped it. Just like I scrapped the pink Phazon and Fission Metroids in my novelization of Prime. Got it?

[Lazarius]

You still haven't answered me. Fight scenes can't just be pushed into one sentence. What happens in them? Especially boss fights compressed to two sentences 'She knocked off his armour and shot him'. That's about all the information you're giving.

[Steamlord]

Not to mention you didn't even write half of it (the lore), and what you did write doesn't offer anything that the game itself doesn't. Why shouldn't I just play the game, and have a lot more fun doing it?

What are you talking about?!!!!!! I wrote all the lore for Bryyo!!!!!! Every single entry!!!!!!!!! As for the battles, you're right. I'll be more descriptive in the next chapter.

[Steamlord]

What are you talking about?!!!!!! I wrote all the lore for Bryyo!!!!!! Every single entry!!!!!!!!!

That's what I meant. YOU didn't write half of it. Retro did.

[-ChozoChild-]

To help solve the confusion...
Maybe you should re-title the thread from '(the novel)' to '(gameplay script)'.

Is this a fanfic? You say 'novel' on the subject line, so it confuses me.
When I read it... it's a lot like what happened in the game.
Is that what you wanted?

Streamlord is right though, Retro did all the work on the scans and lore, so you shouldn't say it's your own work.
If you want to use the lore, then quote it and afterward put "Created by Retro Studios" or something somewhere on the first chapter and any other chapter.

Give them credit, thank you.

Good luck on continuing your Metroid story.