Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation [UPDATE: 8/20]

by **FanOingo93** » 07.20.10 4:18am

Mental, I can definitely understand where you're coming from since you bring up some fantastic points.

In terms of writing, the prologue was extremely challenging to do. I knew right from the start it would be difficult to interpret the K2-L attack in a way that everyone could understand. So I apologize if it came off the wrong way. I guess that's what I get for only giving the prologue and not posting the rest of the Act since a lot of the information is explained in the next scene.

In terms of the transitions, finding sound effects of high quality that fit with the rest of audio is hard to do and I'm normally limited to websites that offer them.

Though to answer the question of the POV, the event isn't coming from Samus' memory. Its the actual event taking place. Seeing as how Samus really only saw the death of Virginia, Rodney's death wouldn't be found in her memory.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to defend my position in terms of the writing quality on the project itself. I definitely agree with you in many areas.

by **sockmonkey** » 07.20.10 11:19am

It would probably help to listen to existing radio plays for hints and such. Google or youtube probably has something. I think Doctor Who had a radio series too so that's something you can look into.
Also I remember an acting tip that's pretty insightful. Don't act. Use your real feelings. If you want to sound mad, pretend you're talking to someone you're actually mad at.

Mental made some good points.

by **Sylux** » 07.20.10 6:24pm

First of all, you are amazing, and this is an amazing project. The script is everything I'd expect from a Metroid adaptation, and the voice acting and sound effects are INCREDIBLY good.

But I also second all of Mental's points. In particular, I think the issue is that, as you said yourself, you are using a movie script for your teleplay. Video and audioplay are two different media, with different narrative requirements. A movie can fill in all of your missing information via visuals (which, I'm guessing, was your intent when you wrote the thing). Since you don't have any visuals though, you should expand the script to compensate.

by **FanOingo93** » 07.21.10 1:55am

Sylux wrote:First of all, you are amazing, and this is an amazing project. The script is everything I'd expect from a Metroid adaptation, and the voice acting and sound effects are INCREDIBLY good.

But I also second all of Mental's points. In particular, I think the issue is that, as you said yourself, you are using a movie script for your teleplay. Video and audioplay are two different media, with different narrative requirements. A movie can fill in all of your missing information via visuals (which, I'm guessing, was your intent when you wrote the thing). Since you don't have any visuals though, you should expand the script to compensate.

Oh yeah, definitely. That's something I'm gonna look into with Act II as well as the rest of Act I since at this point, the rest of Act One isn't complete just yet. But I definitely agree with you guys and I do appreciate the feedback that I've gotten so far.

Compared to most of the feedback I get, which mostly consists of the Voice Work and not so much how I can improve on the quality of the overall package, its nice to see people actually looking at different aspects of my project and giving me suggestions.

Though, when I think hard about it, I probably should've done some narration to describe some of the scenes

by **Sylux** » 07.21.10 3:21am

FanOingo93 wrote:Though, when I think hard about it, I probably should've done some narration to describe some of the scenes

I actually thought about suggesting that, but was afraid of sounding too presumptuous. Since you've brought it up yourself though, I'd like to suggest expanding Samus' narration. Have the adult Samus be the retrospective narrator of the whole play; she can also serve as a sort of "metroidpedia," supplying non metroid fans with the needed information about the universe (though obviously her info is biased).

by **Quadraxis** » 07.21.10 6:57am

Okay, now this is awesome. The voice work, the sound effects, the atmosphere, it all works just dandy. Of course, there's the problem that things need a little more explaining in radio play form, but I'm expecting a change to that in the next parts.
Also, took me a while to recognise, but you used music from District 9. It works suprisingly well.

I'll be following this closely.

by **mental** » 07.21.10 12:44pm

FanOingo93 wrote:In terms of the transitions, finding sound effects of high quality that fit with the rest of audio is hard to do and I'm normally limited to websites that offer them.

Realistically, you'll need to do some of your own foley work, particularly for things like footsteps.

by **FanOingo93** » 07.21.10 2:35pm

Sylux wrote: I actually thought about suggesting that, but was afraid of sounding too presumptuous. Since you've brought it up yourself though, I'd like to suggest expanding Samus' narration. Have the adult Samus be the retrospective narrator of the whole play; she can also serve as a sort of "metroidpedia," supplying non metroid fans with the needed information about the universe (though obviously her info is biased).

I think that sounds like an awesome idea! I probably wouldn't be able to do it until Act 2, but I'm definitely gonna look into that!

by **Chozoman** » 07.21.10 3:00pm

Amazing! AMAZING! This is the kind of stuff I love about the video game community, and especially the Metroid community.

First things first, I'd like to interview you for my site, www.videogamevirtues.com (if you'd be interested), and talk about the project and the love of the source material.

Secondly, I think the voice acting would benefit greatly from a more natural, conversational tone and timbre. People tend to shy away from contractions when writing dialogue, but it’s how people speak. I think it makes your characters more relatable as they sound like real people. For example:

"'Why am I still alive? That is a question I frequently ask myself. But for some reason I can never find the answer. It always goes back to the flames."

Vs

"'Why am I still alive? That’s a question I’ve asked myself…over and over again. But for some reason I can’t find the answer. It always goes back…back to the flames."

Just one guys opinion.

KEEP THIS PROJECT GOING!!
O_O

by **LesserChozo** » 07.21.10 3:58pm

Chozoman wrote:Secondly, I think the voice acting would benefit greatly from a more natural, conversational tone and timbre. People tend to shy away from contractions when writing dialogue, but it’s how people speak. I think it makes your characters more relatable as they sound like real people. For example:

"'Why am I still alive? That is a question I frequently ask myself. But for some reason I can never find the answer. It always goes back to the flames."

Vs

"'Why am I still alive? That’s a question I’ve asked myself…over and over again. But for some reason I can’t find the answer. It always goes back…back to the flames."

Just one guys opinion.

KEEP THIS PROJECT GOING!!

Then again, if Samus grew up learning most of her English through translation from Chozo, contractions may be difficult for her. It's a character choice.

by **mental** » 07.21.10 10:21pm

I think for Samus I can accept a lack of contractions. Her dialogue in the games tends to avoid contractions as well, though there are occasional exceptions.

As far as Samus-as-metroidpedia, be careful with infodumps. You can get away with them in radioplays much more than in most other media, but still... try to be sure that whatever is mentioned is really relevant to what is going on, and that there isn't a simpler way to handle it in normal dialogue.

by **LesserChozo** » 07.22.10 6:56am

mental wrote:I think for Samus I can accept a lack of contractions. Her dialogue in the games tends to avoid contractions as well, though there are occasional exceptions.

Yeah, I was going to use Other M as an example, but I found a couple. Although Other M takes place, I'm assuming, much later than this story. I'm sure she'd get better at it.

by **Vesko** » 07.22.10 3:16pm

Yeah, I'm sure by the second-to-last game in the storyline she'd get the gang of it.

by **Chozoman** » 07.22.10 3:33pm

Hey guys!

Just wanted to let you all know that I recently posted an interview with FanOingo93 for my site.

The full interview is here:
http://videogamevirtues.blogspot.com/

**Thanks to FanOingo for the interview, and for providing the site with an exclusive preview of the next chapter in the audio drama!

Enjoy,
Chozoman

by **FanOingo93** » 08.20.10 7:46pm

Time for a big update guys!

As it pains me to say this, but I cannot continue this project right now. Because of a lot of personal stress as well as my creative flow dying down, now is not the right time for me to be working on this.

And no, it was not the critiques or criticisms that you guys gave me that ultimately led me to this decision. Far from it. I loved all the wonderful comments and opinions that you guys left and how much support you guys showed for this.

But right now, I just have a lot going on and If I continue the project while working under stress, then I know it will turn out sloppy.

But fear not, I WILL continue the project another time someday. Just not right now.

I thank all of you guys for understanding.

Thank you,
FanOingo93 [Writer/Director]

FanOingo93 Posts: 8 Joined: 07.05.10 4:39am Location: Southern California Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by FanOingo93 » 07.20.10 4:18am Mental, I can definitely understand where you're coming from since you bring up some fantastic points. In terms of writing, the prologue was extremely challenging to do. I knew right from the start it would be difficult to interpret the K2-L attack in a way that everyone could understand. So I apologize if it came off the wrong way. I guess that's what I get for only giving the prologue and not posting the rest of the Act since a lot of the information is explained in the next scene. In terms of the transitions, finding sound effects of high quality that fit with the rest of audio is hard to do and I'm normally limited to websites that offer them. Though to answer the question of the POV, the event isn't coming from Samus' memory. Its the actual event taking place. Seeing as how Samus really only saw the death of Virginia, Rodney's death wouldn't be found in her memory. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to defend my position in terms of the writing quality on the project itself. I definitely agree with you in many areas.
sockmonkey Posts: 588 Joined: 07.18.08 9:27pm	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by sockmonkey » 07.20.10 11:19am It would probably help to listen to existing radio plays for hints and such. Google or youtube probably has something. I think Doctor Who had a radio series too so that's something you can look into. Also I remember an acting tip that's pretty insightful. Don't act. Use your real feelings. If you want to sound mad, pretend you're talking to someone you're actually mad at. Mental made some good points.
Sylux	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Sylux » 07.20.10 6:24pm First of all, you are amazing, and this is an amazing project. The script is everything I'd expect from a Metroid adaptation, and the voice acting and sound effects are INCREDIBLY good. But I also second all of Mental's points. In particular, I think the issue is that, as you said yourself, you are using a movie script for your teleplay. Video and audioplay are two different media, with different narrative requirements. A movie can fill in all of your missing information via visuals (which, I'm guessing, was your intent when you wrote the thing). Since you don't have any visuals though, you should expand the script to compensate.
FanOingo93 Posts: 8 Joined: 07.05.10 4:39am Location: Southern California Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by FanOingo93 » 07.21.10 1:55am Sylux wrote:First of all, you are amazing, and this is an amazing project. The script is everything I'd expect from a Metroid adaptation, and the voice acting and sound effects are INCREDIBLY good. But I also second all of Mental's points. In particular, I think the issue is that, as you said yourself, you are using a movie script for your teleplay. Video and audioplay are two different media, with different narrative requirements. A movie can fill in all of your missing information via visuals (which, I'm guessing, was your intent when you wrote the thing). Since you don't have any visuals though, you should expand the script to compensate. Oh yeah, definitely. That's something I'm gonna look into with Act II as well as the rest of Act I since at this point, the rest of Act One isn't complete just yet. But I definitely agree with you guys and I do appreciate the feedback that I've gotten so far. Compared to most of the feedback I get, which mostly consists of the Voice Work and not so much how I can improve on the quality of the overall package, its nice to see people actually looking at different aspects of my project and giving me suggestions. Though, when I think hard about it, I probably should've done some narration to describe some of the scenes
Sylux	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Sylux » 07.21.10 3:21am FanOingo93 wrote:Though, when I think hard about it, I probably should've done some narration to describe some of the scenes I actually thought about suggesting that, but was afraid of sounding too presumptuous. Since you've brought it up yourself though, I'd like to suggest expanding Samus' narration. Have the adult Samus be the retrospective narrator of the whole play; she can also serve as a sort of "metroidpedia," supplying non metroid fans with the needed information about the universe (though obviously her info is biased).
Quadraxis Posts: 582 Joined: 10.12.08 10:34am Location: Finland	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Quadraxis » 07.21.10 6:57am Okay, now this is awesome. The voice work, the sound effects, the atmosphere, it all works just dandy. Of course, there's the problem that things need a little more explaining in radio play form, but I'm expecting a change to that in the next parts. Also, took me a while to recognise, but you used music from District 9. It works suprisingly well. I'll be following this closely. Cracked.com wrote:Witch King: No man can slay me! Mine is an evil laugh! Eowyn: Behold my vagina! Witch King: * dies *
mental Posts: 2897 Joined: 07.14.07 8:35pm Location: The Moon Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by mental » 07.21.10 12:44pm FanOingo93 wrote:In terms of the transitions, finding sound effects of high quality that fit with the rest of audio is hard to do and I'm normally limited to websites that offer them. Realistically, you'll need to do some of your own foley work, particularly for things like footsteps. "The world will always be more delicious than it is useful." - Robert Capon
FanOingo93 Posts: 8 Joined: 07.05.10 4:39am Location: Southern California Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by FanOingo93 » 07.21.10 2:35pm Sylux wrote: I actually thought about suggesting that, but was afraid of sounding too presumptuous. Since you've brought it up yourself though, I'd like to suggest expanding Samus' narration. Have the adult Samus be the retrospective narrator of the whole play; she can also serve as a sort of "metroidpedia," supplying non metroid fans with the needed information about the universe (though obviously her info is biased). I think that sounds like an awesome idea! I probably wouldn't be able to do it until Act 2, but I'm definitely gonna look into that!
Chozoman Posts: 42 Joined: 06.09.07 8:53pm Location: Las Vegas, NV	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Chozoman » 07.21.10 3:00pm Amazing! AMAZING! This is the kind of stuff I love about the video game community, and especially the Metroid community. First things first, I'd like to interview you for my site, www.videogamevirtues.com (if you'd be interested), and talk about the project and the love of the source material. Secondly, I think the voice acting would benefit greatly from a more natural, conversational tone and timbre. People tend to shy away from contractions when writing dialogue, but it’s how people speak. I think it makes your characters more relatable as they sound like real people. For example: "'Why am I still alive? That is a question I frequently ask myself. But for some reason I can never find the answer. It always goes back to the flames." Vs "'Why am I still alive? That’s a question I’ve asked myself…over and over again. But for some reason I can’t find the answer. It always goes back…back to the flames." Just one guys opinion. KEEP THIS PROJECT GOING!! Video Game Virtues http://videogamevirtues.blogspot.com Spreading the Good Word About Games and the Gaming Community
LesserChozo Posts: 3623 Joined: 10.04.09 6:18pm Location: North Carolina, USA	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by LesserChozo » 07.21.10 3:58pm Chozoman wrote:Secondly, I think the voice acting would benefit greatly from a more natural, conversational tone and timbre. People tend to shy away from contractions when writing dialogue, but it’s how people speak. I think it makes your characters more relatable as they sound like real people. For example: "'Why am I still alive? That is a question I frequently ask myself. But for some reason I can never find the answer. It always goes back to the flames." Vs "'Why am I still alive? That’s a question I’ve asked myself…over and over again. But for some reason I can’t find the answer. It always goes back…back to the flames." Just one guys opinion. KEEP THIS PROJECT GOING!! Then again, if Samus grew up learning most of her English through translation from Chozo, contractions may be difficult for her. It's a character choice. Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.
mental Posts: 2897 Joined: 07.14.07 8:35pm Location: The Moon Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by mental » 07.21.10 10:21pm I think for Samus I can accept a lack of contractions. Her dialogue in the games tends to avoid contractions as well, though there are occasional exceptions. As far as Samus-as-metroidpedia, be careful with infodumps. You can get away with them in radioplays much more than in most other media, but still... try to be sure that whatever is mentioned is really relevant to what is going on, and that there isn't a simpler way to handle it in normal dialogue. "The world will always be more delicious than it is useful." - Robert Capon
LesserChozo Posts: 3623 Joined: 10.04.09 6:18pm Location: North Carolina, USA	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by LesserChozo » 07.22.10 6:56am mental wrote:I think for Samus I can accept a lack of contractions. Her dialogue in the games tends to avoid contractions as well, though there are occasional exceptions. Yeah, I was going to use Other M as an example, but I found a couple. Although Other M takes place, I'm assuming, much later than this story. I'm sure she'd get better at it. Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.
Vesko Posts: 942 Joined: 06.08.10 7:38am	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Vesko » 07.22.10 3:16pm Yeah, I'm sure by the second-to-last game in the storyline she'd get the gang of it. ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' 'My blog: The Nav Room!
Chozoman Posts: 42 Joined: 06.09.07 8:53pm Location: Las Vegas, NV	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by Chozoman » 07.22.10 3:33pm Hey guys! Just wanted to let you all know that I recently posted an interview with FanOingo93 for my site. The full interview is here: http://videogamevirtues.blogspot.com/ **Thanks to FanOingo for the interview, and for providing the site with an exclusive preview of the next chapter in the audio drama! Enjoy, Chozoman Video Game Virtues http://videogamevirtues.blogspot.com Spreading the Good Word About Games and the Gaming Community
FanOingo93 Posts: 8 Joined: 07.05.10 4:39am Location: Southern California Website	Re: Metroid: A Radioplay Adaptation by FanOingo93 » 08.20.10 7:46pm Time for a big update guys! As it pains me to say this, but I cannot continue this project right now. Because of a lot of personal stress as well as my creative flow dying down, now is not the right time for me to be working on this. And no, it was not the critiques or criticisms that you guys gave me that ultimately led me to this decision. Far from it. I loved all the wonderful comments and opinions that you guys left and how much support you guys showed for this. But right now, I just have a lot going on and If I continue the project while working under stress, then I know it will turn out sloppy. But fear not, I WILL continue the project another time someday. Just not right now. I thank all of you guys for understanding. Thank you, FanOingo93 [Writer/Director]

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